Baddie Funny Status Messages

   I'd rather see a same sex marriage than a no sex marriage.

   When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."

   My neighbor swears he was anally probed by an alien. Anyone want a slightly used alien costume?

   What the hell did we do during blow jobs before cell phones?

   When you hear "that's illegal in 49 states," the other state is always Kentucky.

   Buses are just limos for poor people.

   Voting for president is getting to the point where it's simply which guy would you rather watch dump all your money into a toilet and flush.

   It's not a real party unless someone gets a d ick drawn on their face.

   My back is killing me from picking up all these chicks.

   She put me in the family zone, which would be cool if we were in Kentucky.

   I'm just not that into you. Maybe we should try a different position.

   Some people say, “Facebook me” while others say, “Follow me.” But, I miss the classic, “blow me.”

   You know how people tend to become like their pets and vice versa? My dog needs a liver transplant.

   The most romantic thing I've ever done is get a girl's name tattooed on my grandpa.

   Going to the mall this weekend and trying on extra small shirts so I can remember what it feels like to be hugged

   My friend handed out wedding invitations at her baby shower, like the classless knocked up slut she is.

   when I was little not only did I have to walk to school..my dad would drive by and flip me off.

   It's like my dad always said, "Don't call me Dad."

   Before I fall in love I usually fall over the barstool.

   Heard a rap song that didn't mention money, cars or hoes...Now i'm frantically trying to remember whether I took the blue or green pill!