jdpower Funny Status Messages

   When is that 1/2 man on '2 and and 1/2 Men' going to officially become a man?

   Tried to log into my WellsFargo.com account with my MILF-Hunter.com password. Oh, whatever, like you never did that!

   After five minutes of forced conversation, I've just realized that this person sitting across from me is not, in fact, Tony Danza

   Not to scare anyone, but we're only a decade or so away from grandmothers named Amber or Brittany.

   BP says their latest cleanup technique is called a "Dirty Sanchez." I don't want details.

   Sarah Palin thinks US law should be based on the Bible. As the most attractive female in national politics, I think she'd be far more successful doing an arm-in-arm political fashion tour with the most attractive man in Washington, Ann Coulter.

   I'm sick of Canadians sneaking across the border and stealing our hockey jobs.

   The founder of 'Jews for Jesus' died today.. the funeral will be catered by 'Vegetarians for Meat'

   While I like the idiom "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar", it remains the unvarnished truth that sh!t attracts more flies than anything.

   South African authorities are estimating that 40,000 sex workers will trickle in for the World Cup. Wow! I had no idea hookers like soccer so much!

   I propose we plug the Gulf oil leak with BP executives.

   Next for BP: they're going to add balsamic vinegar to the oil; turning the Gulf into a nice vinaigrette.

   Justin Bieber is approximately the same diameter as the oil pipe in the Gulf......is anybody thinking what I'm thinking?

   Joran van der Sloot arrested for murder? Wow! If only there were warning signs.

   How much would it suck if your name was really "Ed Hardy"?

   Not to be insensitive, but this oil spill better not affect my access to delicious pelican meat.

   looks like I wont be updating my status anytime soon..

   Attention bullies: if you're looking for lunch money, there are tons of nerds hoarding around outside Apple Stores right now.

   I'm typing this update because some fat, ugly wildebeest just sat across from me in the lunchroom and I want to look busy.. thank you for your support and understanding. It means a lot to me in these times of uncertaint -ok she just left, that was close.

   Whenever I worry I've been wasting my time, I cheer myself up by remembering I have never read a Twilight book.