Funny Status Messages

   Green grape says to the purple grape "breathe idiot , breathe!!!

   I was going to type the best status message ever! It was going to be profound, changing, maybe even life altering. But then all of the sudden...I had to poop!

   Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "did she really just say that?"

   I took my ex Eileen to an orgy party one time, You should have seen the mess she was in when they started playing Dexy's midnight runners every 10min

   Thanks Facebook for reporting my friends non-important events in real time :( Pretty certain that is the definition of tattling!

   My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

   I DIDN'T SAY THAT YOUR GIRL WAS A $LUT! I MERELY INDICATED THAT HER "PRIVATE PARTS" WERE MORE LIKE "PUBLIC PARTS"

   When women talk to each other, the devil sits in a corner, quietly listening and learning.

   dont laugh at ur friends if they start sounding like chicken little this next week..."the sky is falling"

   I like to go to the store, ask for help, get real close to the employee and whisper "Where is your lice medicine" just for the reaction

   Relationships would be easier if people came with a "Clear History" button.

   this uhh jersey shore show that my kids watch... is it like a facebook in reality.. t.v show ? just doesnt make sense to me .

   time to get the Atari out and take care of this falling satellite...

   Rabity Ear Antennae users and Direct TV customers will finally have clearer reception tomorrow as the Satlellite approaches closer- Sat they will be back to fuzzy logic!

   so..nasa says your not allowed to sell any part of the satellite on ebay thats hurtling towards earth at 5 miles per second. 5 miles per seocnd?..is their going to be anything left to sell then?

   The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.

   If you update your status more than three times in any 24hour period you have too much time on your hands - and should probably get a job.

   Never fear the unknown; embrace it! Never avoid challenges; welcome them! Never fear negativity; laugh at it! Never walk away from difficulties; confront them! True success can never be achieved without overcoming some sort of obstacles!

   Please stop looking so attractive. I m trying to stop liking you.

   Stupidity is not an inherited trait, but for some it comes quite naturally.