life Funny Status Messages

   Life pro tip #366: Never make a midnight snack in the dark. A peanut butter and salsa sandwich taste exactly how it sounds...

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff some guys pay money for in later life.

   Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Night gets longer. Life gets better. Wait... what? The humidity? Kindly disregard all.

   The best part about being over 50 is discovering all the new regions of your body that can support hair life.

   Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.

   Worshiping a piece of fabric is what life is all about.

   I've made some terrible life choices over the years. Just kidding. I'm married and not allowed to make decisions.

   I’m so competitive, I don’t let anyone ruin my life more than I do.

   Wondering if life is easier when you're totally insane? I'm about halfway there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow down!

   One teacher can change your whole life. Like the one that knocked up my cousin.

   i remembee when I was little and I thought my friends turning off the light while I was in the toilet was the worst day of my life

   I hope in my next life I come back as a McChicken so men will look at me lovingly and also settle for me out of desperation

   How things roll is "happy wife = happy life", but just remember, women will never be 100% satisfied, so you might as well go ahead and piss her off.

   I want my 72 hours of my life back that I wasted on Mike Lindell' ridiculous symposium.

   Life pro tip #366: Never make a midnight snack in the dark. A peanut butter and salsa sandwich taste exactly how it sounds

   Happy with my life but also open to the possibility of a crow picking me up like a french fry and carrying me away

   Don't trust real doctors? You think their purpose in life is to fool the whole world? Then ask your local feed store if Ivenmectin is right for you.

   “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.” ~ Mark Twain

   I try to live my life everyday as if it were my last. And who wants to do laundry on their last day? Not me…

   Wondering why I have a belly button, but not being able to imagine life without one