santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, when your done writing the naughty list, can I get my lil black book back? Cheers Guv

   If one more person says "all I want for christmas is you" they are gonna get me... with a baseball bat

   Some relatives are like seeing Santa; you only care to see them once a year.

   BREAKING NEWS: Rudolph commits suicide after Santa upgrades to GPS

   Using a stapler and duct tape sure makes wrapping presents easy....

   To all the people that send those annoying Christmas chain text messages I HOPE YOU GET COAL THIS YEAR UNDER YOUR TREE!!!

   The only reason kids like Christmas is because they're not the ones buying all the presents.

   Dear Santa, could you please tell me the meaning of "GOOD"? I'm a little confused of which list I'm on.......

   a quick message to all who sent me good wishes for Christmas last year - they didn't work - so... this year can I have money, vouchers and alcohol please ;)

   hoping to be visited by the ghost of Christmas Past. That way I can go back gaze upon those great times.

   ✔ Food ✔ Beer ✔ More food ✔ Suit ✔ Laundry ✔ Wine ❒ Christmas Gifts ..... Damn

   If I had it my way my ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future would be Raquel Welch, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Alba.

   setting up a trap to capture Santa when he comes down my chimney tomorrow. I figure he will bring a hefty ransom from the world! Mmmmuuahhhaaha...

   finding the Christmas spirit, now if only I can find someone who is in the giving mood to pay

   Ladies if you wanna get yo man a tie this Christmas thats fine...Just make sure you are wearing tie with nothing else on when you give it too him...

   says Happy Christmas to all Canadians and Marry Hanukkah to my fellow Americans.

   My son finally found out Santa isn't real, but he claims he heard footsteps on the roof the last couple years on Christmas. This year instead of leaving cookies and sleeping, he's going to sit on the roof with a shotgun.

   What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish!

   Hey Everyone just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.. If you can't be good....... be carefull.. Have a safe and fun holiday...

   The christmas nativity play was cancelled. Not due to religious reasons, but because they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin