Funny Status Messages
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Be careful when getting on Facebook! Side effects may include; mood swings, constant crying, finding love, tired fingers, loss of friends, divorce, it's complicated, loss of time, starving family, dirty home, and too much drama!!! 
I wish we could google how a certain person feels about us.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile! I was shocked! That's such a big word for a 5 year old
kids are like farts, I can barely stand my own let alone other peoples
S.H.I.T. So Happy It's Thursday!!!
Call me childish, but I can't help chuckling to myself whenever I see a senior citizen point at something using their middle finger.
at walmart and apparently didnt get the memo for wife beater(uundershirt) day
starting up a dating website exclusively for pyromaniacs. I shall call it "Mymatchbook".
Thinks Meatloaf,KORN,& Limp Bizkit, Should Do A "DINNER TOUR"!
TODAY IS THE DAY HELL FROZE OVER....I got to work at 815am...enjoy the cool breeze!
If you're only interested in me when I'm ignoring you, I'm about to become irresistible.
If the replies you get from text messages consist of only one word, take the hint.
Some idiot just bought MySpace for $35 million. That has to be an Antiques Roadshow record!
God made us all different. But when He got to China He thought...to hell with it... Copy, paste, copy, paste
3 dreams of a man: To be as handsome as his mother thinks.To be as rich as his child believes.To have as many women as his wife suspects
I honestly think that women should run the world. That will give men more time to drink beer and watch sports.
Some women are terribly hard to please, ... . . . . . the rest are Impossible
What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant girl all have in common? In each scenario there is a DUMBASS who did not take it out in time
Growing up I never needed to wear my seat belt because my mom let me ride in the trunk.
I was alone in the house last night, lying in bed, and all of a sudden I heard someone fart. I didn't know whether to laugh or be scared as hell. 