Funny Status Messages

   I'm so hungry I could eat the A$$ end out of a rag doll.

   I dream in High Definition.

   BAD DAY I feel like Kylie Minogue - but without the fame, talent or charisma. OMG! I'm Danni Minogue!!

   That awkward moment when you and the girl you just met ran out of things to talk.

   Was going to complain about the people downstairs having loud s*x, but they finished before I could type this status, I think premature ejaculation is probably punishment enough

   I liked The Hangover II more the first time I saw it. When it was called The Hangover.

   i wish there was a friend, who could help me as much, as music does

   Today's excuse for drinking beer: "I wanted some beer."

   i think i'd have to be pretty hammered to see Thor

   maybe jfraze should read the homepage that sais statuses for facebook...just sayin....Love not anger..

   I went outside once.... The graphics were alright, but the gameplay sucked

   How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams!

   quit telling me how addictive the things I ingest are...you know what else is addictive?!!?! EFFIN FOOD..if you stop eating you will have withdraws too!! FREAKS!!

   Taco bell always makes me wonder, who ate this burrito before I did.

   If I had a nickel for every time someone said I'm bad at math, I'd have 47 cents.

   I went for a self-defence class last night. The instructor said, "I want you to take me by surprise and attack me" So when I saw him in Sainsburys the next day I threw a tin of beans at his head.

   What if we CAN breathe in space and they just don't want us to escape?

   When society collapses, who do I talk to about being killed last?

   If you can go the entire car ride without eating some of your french fries, you're obviously some type of sorcerer.

   I just got diagnosed with a very rare disease. "The more I get older, the sexier and better looking I become". Don't worry, it's not contagious. There's no cure for it and it just gets worst everyday...