Funny Status Messages

   If you care for me at all, upon meeting Dee Snider you will say "Aren't you the singer from that fake band in Pee Wee's Big Adventure?"

   My supervisor told me "I like working with you. You're the only one I can have a interlectrical conversation with". I don't know if I should feel honored, or ashamed that this man is my boss

   I always thought Lance Armstrong was caught doping years ago and we all decided to just be cool with it...

   Lance Amstrong! You know what they say! Once you learn how to ride a bike on performance enhancing drugs, you never forget!

   Watchin the Music Awards... Boy, that Beiber chick is guna be one hot lesbian when she grows up!

   Being married anonymous:::: Hi my name is Ralph I'm a husband and it's been 3 months since my last decision....

   has anyone seen that billboard talking about the rapture??? if not, its been posted to my wall at least 75 times in the past hour. come take a look.

   Arnold might not make a good dad... the whole "Hasta la vista baby" issue should have been the first clue!

   It doesn't bother me when I see men and women trade sex everyday like some kind of commodity. What bothers me is when they disguise and try to pass it off as dating. Remove the money element and the relationship crumbles.

   When a woman dies, God asks the angels “Was she married?' If the answer is 'yes', He says 'Take her to heaven she's been through hell already"

   the voices in my head must be almost out of beer,cause I can kinda understand'em

   Whenever someone deletes me as a friend I automatically think, crap they found out how many times I viewed their photos.

   Maybe you should eat make-up so you can be pretty on the inside

   just saw a homeless guy blasting Nickleback on his radio, proving that listening to Nickelback leads to homelessness

   I hate having to hold my wife's purse when she's buying shoes, especially when she's buying them on Zappos!

   every time I come home after being around another dog, mine looks at me like I cheated on him

   Who you tryin' to get crazy with ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

   I havent seen a spider in days. WTF ARE THEY PLANNING??

   imogen thomas been paid to do giggs in manchester she cant wait

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