Funny Status Messages

   Thanks to the ac its so cold in my office that even the girls in my nudy calendar are getting T.H.O's

   Does anyone else think "Global warming" is just wordplay and code for "The Human Infestation Problem"

   wondering ... Have you ever been at work, when a genital piercing has become a semi-medical emergency; only leading to having your girlfriend come and help you remove it with a dremel tool and bolt cutters? No? Me neither ...

   Everything happens for a reason, live it, love it, learn from it! Make your smile change the world, but don't let the world change your smile :)

   a girl takes dress to the dyrcleaners & asks for it be cleaned. The man is a bit deaf & says come again, Girl blushes and says no this time its yogurt!!!

   Girl: "Age is just a number." Guy: "Yeah? And jail is just a room."

   I whisper freaky things in my girls ear while she is sitting infront of the family................ And I must say, It turns her on lol

   Its not me, its you. I just don't think it's going to work between us. You're boring, tasteless, and I can't stop cheating on you. I know you're my right choice, but we can't continue! TO: DIET FROM: ME

   It's all fun and games until you know there's candy involved... then it gets SERIOUS! :)

   This vodka diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.

   Can't wait 'til I'm old enough to pretend I can't hear.

   This alcohol diet is freaking awesome, I've already lost 3 days.

   I wonder what happened to that guy from the 90's who sang that song about barely breathing. I hope he's OK!

   WTF are birds so amped up about at 5:30 in the morning?

   I hope all you moms out there had a great Mother's Day! (If you're not a mom but would like to be, message me for details)

   I'm going to be the first person to walk on the sun... I know what ur thinking an I've got it all figured out... I'm going at night.

   Got bored today so I dressed up in tan pants and a blue shirt then went into Best Buy and quit.

   I love to stand in line at ATM machines, and when people put in their PIN, I yell GOT IT then run away.

   Toilet was stolen out of City Hall yesterday. Police say they have nothing to go on!

   Dear Kobe Bryant, Would you like some cheese with that whine....sincerely Steve Nash