Funny Status Messages

   Breaking news: Kobe Bryant seen chewing jersey, experts confirm he is part moth.

   I can talk to animals... they don't talk back but the stuff I say to them is still really cool.

   How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.

   S.H.*.T.= So Happy It's Thursday! =)

   In celebration of Cinco De Mayo I'll be drinking Guinness and Jameson Whiskey tonight. Ole!

   Thirsty Thursday and Cinco de Mayo fall on the same day, coincidence? She thinks not

   celebrating Sheen-co de Mayo with some Tiger Blood!

   I wish my car was more like KITT. Not for the crimefighting abilities, mind you, I'm just really lazy.

   Some guy just gave me half of a peace sign.

   Who want's to Indian Leg Wrestle?

   Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose your job. Recovery is when Obama loses his job

   ooh lookie my mood ring is a beautiful shade of I dont give a crap

   When you love someone truly and unconditionally, age, distance, bank balance, height or weight is just a damn number.

   After many bad reviews it's clear the Blackberry playbook is no threat to the iPad. In response Apple release the iToldYa

   When you confront your Man, don't make him feel interrogated. Remember, you could win the argument and still lose the Man.

   Armored dog aided Navy SEALs. Somehow, “good dog” doesn't seem enough.

   That awkward moment, when you wave to someone and it turns out they were waving to the person behind you.

   I miss the good old days when rock stars abused drugs and alchohol. Now they abuse auto-tune and Photoshop.

   Its taken me 20 some odd years to figure out who was the favorite child, until I went to my moms basement last week and found a box labled Sean's bath toys- It was a radio and toaster..

   If you are dreaming of being on the same level with me, you better wake up and apologize!