Funny Status Messages

   Mr. President, now that we have the birth certificate we will need your SS#, credit card #'s, bank account #'s and all pins and passwords...Thanks Donald

   Dear Dr. Phil, Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first. Sincerely, Dr. Pepper

   Dear Man, It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it? Sincerely, Elephant

   The strangest thing about Obama's birth certificate is that it lists Joe Biden as a witness to his birth. Other than that, it appears fine........

   Since President Obama had to show his birth certificate... I am going to need Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann to show me a copy of their HS diploma... Because I have doubts..

   Did you guys know that turning up the radio fixes almost all your car problems?! Crazy.

   I see by your Facebook bio that you're into crafts, blogging, windmills, cats, food, earwax, wine, jazz, God, gaming. ME TOO!

   It never dawned on me about how fascinating I truly am until I perused through my Google search history.

   You should not be angry if all she wants is your money because all you want is her body.

   President Obama should of shoved his birth certificate up Donald Trump's @ss

   Local cemetery raises cost of burials, blames "cost of living".

   Tell a girl a million times shes not fat... She'll never believe you... Call her fat once she'll never forget it.

   Men Give Give Give Forgive........ Women Get Get Get Forget........

   If my number of Facebook friends drops, I just assume someone died.

   I can't stand it if I'm excluded from an activity even if I have no intention of going and don't like those who are.

   Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts! :(

   Hey, this Facebook thingy is WAY more fun than talking to each other!

   BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump demands to know what country Latifah is the queen of...

   If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog crap in my yard.

   I missed a payment on my cable bill....purposely, so I don't have to watch that royal wedding crap!