life Funny Status Messages

   We all have those friends that are fine to 'hangout' with on FB, but in real life you wanna punch them right in the face. Oh wait.......that's my family.

   I bet you won’t judge the tattoos of the person saving your life.

   Life's tough. It's tougher if you're stupid...

   Some might argue that having spider webs in your kitchen sink is a sign you need to cook more... I, however, see it as a sign that life is pretty damn good! (Let's go with that)

   today I screwed in a lightbulb, crossed the road, and walked in to a bar ...my life is a joke

   Sucking on a woman's nipples helps prevent breast cancer. Make sure you know the woman, cops don't care if you were trying to save her life.

   I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.

   In hell, you have to pick just one person to have sex with for the rest of your life. Wait...

   Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don't know who this woman is but she's my new life coach.

   Instead of moaning about how much your life sucks try getting drunk like normal people

   Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.

   "Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life."

   Did you ever wish you could sometimes freeze frame a moment in your day, look at it and say "this is not my life"? 'Robin Williams, Mrs doubtfire'

   People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.

   @nbcagt: "I once got trapped on an escalator when the power went out and I was scared for my life!"

   You're really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women

   Not now, Life. I have fake people to impress on the Internet.

   LIFE is a game a REAL game

   Studies show that men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. Unless your wife finds out.

   I think I'll open a lemonade stand, you know.. for those lemons that I collected through life. . .