Funny Status Messages
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Sometimes you want someone so bad, youll tell yourself lies &hope they come true. 
Was watching an episode of hoarders last night and was thinking that they should change the name of it to ''i'm really lazy and I don't want to clean my house''!!!
In the beginning of a relationship the men go into it thinking this might be fun...and the women go into it thinking this might be the one.
A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
64 tornados in North Carolina alone. Can we turn our attention to our own for once and send money to some Americans instead of Japan?
that akward moment when she pulls out one bigger than yours
How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murd.r for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.
is having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I remember forgetting this before
iTeam It's about time Apple, it's about time!
The sexual position, more commonly known as 69 will now be known as 96. Due to the economy, it now costs more to eat out than it used to
You looked good until your 30 day trial of Adobe Photoshop expired
I don't mean to be mean but leggings on that old dear....that wasn't a camel toe,it was a moose hoof!!!...
Monday sure is an awful way to spend 1/7th of our life......
3 facts about life: 1 You can't touch all your teeth with your tongue. 2 Your retarded cause you just tried it. 3 Now your smiling cause you're an idiot.
If you ran as much as your mouth you'd be in great shape
I like my girls how I like my cheese: Fat free American singles
If first you don't succeed, try try a GUN.
I do not 'get' the concept of a 'gift certificate' , first you take a piece of paper that's good EVERYWHERE,,,,
posing patiently with my clothes off for Google Earth to come by and take my picture...
It's extraordinary when a person comes in contact with a spider web or a bug lands on them, they become a Kung-Fu master.
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