Funny Status Messages

   If your man enough to hit it, your mand enough to take care of it.

   I just watched a mattress commercial where the lady said, "It feels really good, no matter what position I'm in".....Why can't I meet a woman like that????

   If next Friday , the Friday before Easter has always been known as Good Friday ( Which sort of bothered me because it was far from a Good Friday for our Crucified Savior) shouldn't the Friday before Palm Sunday be known at least as Mediocre Friday?

   oh the pain, hurts so good, I almost get breathless, so so hot baby, got to be the best hot wings ever

   really starting to believe that my bosses 'other car' is a broomstick

   If Obama really wanted to impress me, he'd somehow combine Missouri & Oregon to make a "Show me your beaver" state.

   Drunk people run stop signs. High people wait for them to turn green.

   I hate when I buy a bag of air and there's chips in it.

   *Home phone rings* Me-Hello Tom-Hey dude where r you (dude r you stupid,,,u called my home number nd you asking me where I am.....wtf)

   Dear Air Traffic Contollers, It's not enought that the FAA has security patting down 6 year olds, but for the love of God, take a six pack of Red Bull in a cooler with you when you go to work at night. Sincerely, the public.

   The condom says to the tampon, "You put me out of my job for a week every month!"The tampon replies, "yeah? And when you don't do your damn job properly, I lose mine for 9 months!!"

   *teacher textes student* "dear student, I know you're texting. no one would be looking a their crotch and smiling"

   Today, an insect settled on my monitor. Being lazy, I tried waving my mouse at it, but it wouldn't move. So I loaded a picture of Justin Bieber. Worked like a charm.

   ''Are you free tomorrow?'' No, i'm expensive.

   We had social networking when we were kids too... I think it was called "outside" back then though.

   By the super powers vested in me... I can now pronounce you deleted on fb and blocked if I want to.

   Hand Sanitizer... the best way to find invisible cuts for over 10 years now!

   How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what someone said?

   There is a wondrous tranquility being in a work restroom stall in an empty restroom. The song of evacuational freedom may ring unbridled and resonant.

   If you are a Man with a wife or girlfriend that is not a fat-ass, nagging, tree hugging, situation controlling, "Ive got a headache" prude; then re-post this and let them know how much you appreciate them. Any Takers? I didnt think so.