Funny Status Messages

   After 10 Dos Equis beers, I think I'm the most interesting man in the world

   I solve many of my problems by simply ignoring them

   So... after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation

   I just took the garbage out. In 3D

   If you say something really fast it can sound really easy or really hard.

   True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.

   I don't hate you, I never could. I don't regret meeting you, I never will. But I do regret our relationship. It destroyed our friendship!

   I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

   I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.

   ❒Taken ❒Single ✔ Dont care anymore

   I have to constantly remind myself of the fact that life is too short to waste it on getting mad at idiots

   I had this crazy dream that I was on facebook writing about how I hate my insomnia. Oh wait (posted at 2am)

   A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.

   I hate those stupid orange juice commercials that make it seem like no matter what happens throughout the day as long as you have some "orange juice" it'll be okay.....

   Sober ________ and Drunk _________ don't talk. Someone please fill me about last night.

   needs to stop listening what people are telling him to do and start focusing on what he really wants in life..... pie!

   I'm so out of shape, I threw my back out taking a poop!

   For the past 20 years I've been trying to figure out how to "Stop" Collaborate" and "Listen"

   That awkward moment when you wish someone Happy Birthday on facebook, only to realize you posted someone else's name on their wall... Darn those fb birthday notifications!

   My internet went down yesterday. I think my neighbour forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible.