life Funny Status Messages

   If only life was as easy as getting fat.

   For every cigarette you smoke God takes away 1 year of your life and gives it to Hugh Hefner.

   Jesus was just either a good salesman or a good magician. Stop basing your life on a myth. Learn to face reality and deal with your problems like an adult and stop leaving them in the hands of a non-existent entity.

   Jesus IS the son of God and God's not dead. Stop living a self absorbed life holding to the flaeed ever-changing religion of Science. it is time that you understand that you are not the one in control.

   religion? um, ha, no. i'm not really into the idea of letting a set of ancient rules dictate my life. 

   Reflecting on my life... I'm really surprised I haven't been shot in the face.

   Millions of men have fought and died just so you have the right to…go on a website and whine about your ever so slightly imperfect life

   Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.

   The best things in life can't be seen or touched. At least that's what this restraining order says.

   My wife was choking so I quickly googled "how to save a life" Was a good song to drown out the noise she was making.

   Wait a second, you guys have friends in real life?

   I'm not entirely sure a life spent smoking e-cigarettes is worth prolonging.

   Donald Sterling is like 80 so banned for life is really like banned for 5 years……..

   the irony is a group of blacks picked the white cotton guy out.....for life

   Complicate your life by telling people how you really feel.

   I’ve spent the entirety of my adult life prolonging my childhood.

   The best things in life can't be seen or touched. At least, that's what the restraining order says.

   So if a cow dies of old age after a long and happy life, vegetarians are allowed to eat it, right?

   Life isn't a fairy tale. It's a fill-in-the-blank choose your own adventure scratch & sniff colouring book with missing pages and random highlighted passages that make no sense to anyone but the author.

   Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.