Funny Status Messages

   Dancing with the Stars 2011: The last time I saw the names of these "stars" was when I last played the Trivial Pursuit "Nobody Gives a Crap" Edition.

   "Its my money and I need it now" I just wanna smack the sh*t out of J.G Wentworth!!!!

   read tha Tiger Woods has a new Girlfriend who is 22 years old...does she not watch the news

   1.You're reading my status. 2.You wanna keep reading. 4. You didn't notice I skipped 3. 5. You're checking. 6. You're smiling.

   I Left Bread Crumbs Behind So I'll Never Forget Where I Came From.

   The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy... so I'm going to have to start sitting down when I pee.

   Called into work.. Told them I pulled my liver..

   I guess ima go to school in my boxers tomorrow since it's pajama day

   So I walked into a bar... ...and who do I see sitting next to me but 50 Cent, and he's knitting a sweater... So I yelled to him, Gee you knit?

   I feel betrayed by ice cubes, like all they do is lie to me about how much drink I really have.

   thinks facebook should be responsible for funding all these foreign wars it keeps getting us into.....Pay up, Zuckerburg!!!

   I realize you are trying to protect a very expensive Jacket….But Mothballs STINK!!!! Who's the Genius that thought Storing anything in balls of chemical pesticide would be a good idea?

   just got kicked out of JG Wentworth for marching in and demanding my money NOW!

   taking off the 'friends' on facebook that have never liked my status . If you can't show in public that you don't agree with me on anything, well what kind of 'friend' are you ?!

   Charlie Sheen marched into JG Wentworth and got his money back no questions asked.

   Nothing like being 29 years old and having your Mother threaten to ground you if you get another tattoo. Havent seen her this fired up since I got caught in a dirty chat room on AOL 3.0

   One of the those days where it felt like I was going through a mid 20s crisis. Then I realized I was past my mid 20s and that caused another crisis. On days like this there is only one man I turn to for guidance. Watching ALF

   If I wanted a job where I got screwed every day, I would have became a prostitute.

   Being with the wrong people is like wearing shoes that are too tight. It's so hard to fit in, and it hurts like hell in the end.

   Trying to forget someone who once beat the crap out of you is like trying to remember someone you never met