Funny Status Messages

   looking for this guy named Lent...everybody keeps giving him things that I'm gonna need for my Charlie Sheen Holloween costume...

   Q: So just how much cocaine DID Charlie Sheen have last week? A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

   I can't stand those people who hate football but still go along to games to deliberately cause trouble and ruin them for everybody else. Bloody referees.

   I was in Wimbledon the other day and was talking to this guy and he said he was a ball boy. I told him I'm more of a breast man myself.

   Sky News - "Man Arrested On Suicide Bomb Charges" I know nothing about this case, but i'm fairly confident it wasn't him.

   Space has 10 different dimensions, but we can only see 3. So the other 7 are a great place to hide your porn.

   Glad Doc Brown no longer needs plutonium for his flux capacitor, ‘cause the Libyans are busy right now.

   Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife and he says, "I love you." She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?" He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

   Did you hear about the two car pile-up in the Walmart parking lot? 53 Mexicans were killed. The occupants in the other car were uninjured.

   I take off my clothes, but I trip over my jeans. But it's okay because I turn it all into a sexy dance.

   G.T.I.....Gym, Tan, I'm not buying it!

   I should have known that I had to much to drink tonight because I left the door open the whole time I was peeing. It might not sound that bad, but when you're driving 65 mph, it can cause all kinds of problems..

   first 10 people to hit me up at 2:30 am sunday gets a free airfare roundtrip airfare

   • there are two reasons why people change; first : they have learned a lot. second : they've been hurt too much.

   Pandas are in danger! we gotta do something!!

   Witnessing such a massive destruction in Japan, and so many lives taken in seconds should make us think about how fragile we are. God have mercy on us.

   Witnessing such a massive destruction in Japan, and so many lives taken in seconds should make us think about how fragile we are. We are but little specks !

   Happy Kissing Friday Today..and tomorrow...Happy Coldsore Saturday....:)

   heading out to track down that homeless guy holding the "End Of Days Is Coming", "Repent Now" sign at the corner....Be right back : )

   I bet Steve Jobs is glad the iPad2 launch is Japan isn't today. Sales would have been disastrous.