Funny Status Messages

   Hey, it's Fat Tuesday, or just Tuesday, as it's known at Kirstie Alley's house.

   It might be fat Tuesday today, but I'm fat everyday. So what's the big deal.

   Your like a 5 hr energy drink. Fast & Easy. 

   Breaking News from an awesome friend!: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On and crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get Over It. Reporting LIVE from Quitchur Yapping, USA. :P

   They have changed the “Cookie Monster” into the “Veggie Monster"..but he still acts retarded.

   don't tell me what you did for a klondike bar, tell me what you did to get all those beads.

   just p*ssed so hard a little bit of laugh came out.

   o.k., really........gas $3.53gal., OPEC, the least you could do is give me a reach around at the pump....just sayin!!!

   (o) (o) Happy Mardi Gras! Now where are my beads???

   excited about Fat Tuesday! Not so excited about Headachey Wednesday though.

   It's going to be weird still checking Facebook when I'm 70.

   … Everytime I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls …

   I like "rolling in the deep" .

   for lent, I'm giving up fat sticking to my body!!

   My toilet swallows so many loads that I purchased a wig to go over the tank.

   Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

   you notice how every new movie that comes out is labeled as "the #1 movie in america" they should stop with that, cause its getting old!

   You dont have to believe in the goverment, to be a good American, you just have to believe in your country.

   I think it's funny that whoever deleted me from Facebook was so important that I dont know who it is...and don't care!

   Caught myself singing to Lady Gaga - Born this Way, while shaving my legs. Lmfao