love Funny Status Messages

   Catholic school taught me two things: One is that God loves me and I'm going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on Earth and I should save it for someone I love.

   I've outsourced my LIKES, Birthday wishes and comments on your post and pics to a firm in India. So if Sanjay isn't showing you enough love, please let me know right away.

   Love comes in all shapes and sizes. A-cup B-cup C-cup D-cup..Coffee cup.

   When I love, I like to give it my ALL. Same when I don't love.

   My Dad sends his love because he thinks I know you all personally.

   Dad, I love how we don't even have to say out loud that I'm your favorite.

   Love means never having to say you're happy.

   I love to do housework in the nude. Unfortunately for the neighbours, today I'm roofing.

   I got fired on my first day as a paramedic for trying to revive everyone with true love's first kiss.

   Sure love doesn't cost a thing. Now hand over your soul.

   Kindness, compassion, open mindedness, and unconditional love. That's my religion.

   I can't tell what's currently doing worse, my love life or my bank account

   I make her coffee every morning exactly the way she likes it because I love her... and because if I didn't she would stab me repeatedly.!

   I love the surprised look on a woman's face when I tell her that she drew her eyebrows too high.

   If you love something, let it go.... Except a dog. Or, a balloon. Or, a baby stroller. Actually, don't let anything go, that's stupid.

   I'd love to hear about your weekend plans just give me a second to put on my airplane neck pillow.

   ME: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup... FLY: Wow, there's a spoon in my pool.... GOD: Sorry this world isn't perfect everyone, LOVE the complaining though... * Shakes head

   I love seeing all these tolerant people bashing religion!

   And here's another question I would love all you pro abortion people to answer, if a fetus is not a human life as you contend, how the hell does planned parenthood harvest and sell human organs from one?

   It's always awkward ending phone calls with people you love. I always say, "I love you" and they're like "Thank you for choosing Domino's Pizza."