Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Girls just wanna have fun? Yeah right, just try and not get her a Christmas present and see where that gets ya.

   if I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I will definately be on the naughty list...

   Spending Christmas in a little town called Red Bud. I'm sure it will be a fine holiday experience.

   my therapist said maybe my intimidating beauty was the reason I never get asked out...so gaining weight & going bald will work??

   An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.

   Officially became an organ donor today. Unfortunately, instead of saving anyone, I think they'll probably just be used for those "after" pictures

   Lindsay Lohan? Yeah, I'd hit that......in the face....with a shovel.

   Im not an angry person...but that chick singing christmas carols in the hyundai commercial makes me want to punch a sleeping baby in the face!!!!

   Just realized that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a reindeer.

   Do more than belong.. Participate! Do more than care.. Help! Do more than believe.. Trust! Do more than be fair.. Be kind! Do more than forgive.. Forget! Do more than dream.. Work! Life keeps going, be part of it.. =)

   Lindsay Lohan is spending the holidays in rehab, poor girl..no friends..no family, no drugs..no alcohol..I'm just sayin!!

   some days I wake up all ready to take on the world!! Today is NOT one of those days

   I hate doing laundry so much that I wait until the only thing I have left to wear is my Halloween Costume/

   Thank you for pretending not to see me, when I pretended not to see you

   I've always wanted to spin around in a chair and say: "I've been expecting you."

   If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.

   I hate liars, but I love a good bedtime story.

   Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you can fall apart no matter how strong you are.

   90% of the time when I say "brb" it just means I don't want to talk to you anymore

   This kid at the store is screaming so loud that I think I just became sterile.