Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Cam Newton's winning the Heisman surprised no one - especially Julian Assange, who knew about it a month ago.

   I think the moonwalk should be part of the field sobriety test. Take away saying the alphabet backwards clause.

   what would the world be like if everyone went back to their own country?

   Claustrophobia-The fear of Santa Claus

   Where do you go if you're addicted to rehab?

   I've come here to chew bubble gum and get laid. Looks like I'm all out of bubble gum.

   ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ Taking singles to the strip club

   My first day of fantasy camp turned out to be my last when I found out the "Jugs Machine" wasn't what I envisioned at all.

   now on Farmville and has opened a McDonalds near your Farm... this could explain your missing livestock...

   Already got my Halloween costume idea for next year...I'm reusing my Chewbacca costume from this year, putting a tight dress on it and going as Khloe Kardashian

   *<[:{D> ho ho ho

   It doesn't matter if you win or lose until you lose

   It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

   exploring the relationship between mistletoe and camel toe

   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"

   ♫ Oh the weather outside is weather.... ♫

   There is no end to the lengths that Brett Favre will stoop to protect that streak of his. He must have been up all night cutting away on the roof of the Metrodome.

   what does the Vikings football team and the Metradome have in common? They both collapsed under pressure this year

   Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

   So if the Mayans are right, does that mean this is the last Christmas to be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future?