Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wondering what's the deal with Lokos. Beer flavored Kool-Aid? Grow up and drink liquor.

   #‎43210 I don't really even know who you are. You friend requested me and we know some of the same people- unless you really don't know them either. but you seem nice enough, I suppose.

   I would kill for a nobel peace price

   This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's christmas list.

   Ah yes, the first real snow storm of the year... where 1/4 of drivers simultaneously gain an amazing ability to jam their heads up someplace uncomfortable.

   if you listen very carefuly you can hear Monday sharpen her claws in the distance

   Happy wife.. Happy life!

   I have tried it all to get my girl to call out my name in bed, but nothing has worked.My last hope now is to change my name to "Already?".

   My Nephew asked me about getting women .I said it helps if you are quite big down there and that maybe he should shove a cucumber down his pants.He came back to me and said all the girls laughed at him,Maybe I should have told him to put it in the front.

   Everyday I hear people say they would to take a break and get some fresh air. So, this year I'm wrapping some up in boxes and giving as Christmas gifts.

   Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.

   After countless days of research I have solved the mystery.....When Santa says HO! HO! HO!...He is thinking of last name of his 3 favorite naughty sisters...Ima, Ivana, and Anita...

   What's the point of being a lesbian if a woman is going to look and act like an imitation man?

   Weekend goal: To get some dirty deeds done dirty cheap.

   will be home late for supper. I'm going to a ho-down and I cant leave until she get's back up.

   doing the Safety Dance and leaving my friends behind.

   Sorry, my social calender is full this weekend. Going to a HoeDown, a Shindig and a Hootenanny.

   you can easily geta smartphone these days but hard to find smart people.

   I wish I was more mature in high school to understand all those passes made by girls.

   Screw your Four Loko... I've got a Dayquil with a 5hour energy and Grande Latte chaser with my name on it!... If you dont believe me, just ask my pet Unicorn