danny Funny Status Messages

   finally found out your password, dont bother changing it, I already did!

   Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

   " For It was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul. It was not my hand you held but my love. "

   I've Decided To Get MARRIED :All Women May Now FORM AN ORDERLY LINE...... .. Only The Most Beautiful Or The Very Rich Women Need Apply . . Please Send Me A Private Message With Your Photo or A copy Of Your Bank Balance ,The Winner Will Notified By email

   I'm gonna assume my sisters email got hacked and that she has not really resorted to becoming a penis pump sales person..

   Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

   When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, “Give me a table near a waiter.”

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

   I fight evil wherever it may be….except in dark, scary places.

   Sometimes I fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.

   Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.

   If I buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Mohammed and sell it for $10, have I made of prophet?

   The Devil came in all his glory to tempt and recruit me, realized who he was talking to, apologized, and asked me for a job application instead.

   a man donates blood to his girlfriend. they break up. he says he wants his blood back. she throws a tampon at him and yells 'I'll pay you monthly!!'

   ♥ True love doesn't have a happy ending. It has NO ending ♥

   The only perfect science is hindsight.

   typing the postcodes of nudist colonies into Google Earth and pressing 'zoom'...

   learned a lot about relationships from Super Mario Bros..sometimes, You have to pound a few Dragons to get to the Princess

   I finally figured out how to f*ck myself... Take that, people that tell me to f*ck myself!

   The words that sunk a million hearts... "Let's just be friends"