Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Coffee spelled backwards is "eeffoc". Just know that I don't give eeffoc until I've had my morning coffee.

   The Irony of the old saying, "I wouldn't touch you with a 6 foot pole".

   Just when I thought I hit rock bottom, a wild trap door appears and prove me wrong.

   practicing my "I Love It" look when I get another tie from my kids.

   Facebook, where people can pretend to be everything they really aren't to the friends they really don't have.

   At what age is it appropriate to tell my dogs they are adopted?

   Best advice I can give to newlyweds is to buy a really comfortable couch.

   Life is like a can of whipped cream.....you have to shake things up a little before you get anything out of it.

   Reality is for people who can't afford high speed internet.

   I'm going to learn how to make balloon animals. just in case an emergency situation calls for the most annoying sound in the universe.

   Screw it, I'm answering any and all questions today with "As you wish".

   gas prices still rising...back to horses...history repeats itself, Hellloooo Wild West

   we have hunger games at work everyday...starts around 11:30

   I could be a sports analyst because I'm good at saying "at the end of the day" and "arguably".

   I would love to insult you, but I'm afraid I won't do as good as nature did.

   Sometimes when I say "I guess" I'm not really guessing. Feels good to finally clear the air.

   Just to be different, I'm going to cry about being single on the 4th of July, and celebrate Valentine's Day with explosives.

   anyone else have like a thous.. FB friends and post somethin hilarious and get like 2 ppl like it...discouraging, ungrateful b@stards

   I've been to the dark side. They lied about the cookies.

   Who needs a Psychic when we have Google. You have your answer before you are done typing the question...