Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Best Buy just announced plans to lay off 600 Geek Squad employees. In response, Geek Squad employees were like, “Phew, good thing I already live with my parents.”
←Rate | 07-12-2012 10:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't wear the label people give you!! They only know you're name and not your story and one day eventually some of them will end up having to kiss your ass!!
←Rate | 04-13-2011 19:02 by urboyblue Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never truly understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 11:23 by ItzSergio Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong
←Rate | 04-26-2011 20:43 by tails277 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've just spent the past hour chasing a daddy long legs around my house... then I realised I had a crack in my glasses.
←Rate | 05-20-2011 06:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please don't try my patience. I already tried it and it doesn't work.
←Rate | 08-14-2011 12:30 by NO BODY Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of Red Eye Reduction on camera's why can't they make one with double chin reduction? You can put a man on the moon, but....sheesh.
←Rate | 08-14-2011 13:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hard to be naked and baked without wondering why the two words don't rhyme.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 18:20 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It's complicated" just means one person is all for it and the other person is riding the line.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 14:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 11:15 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to fill out an application/job interview today. When I got to: "position applying for"........... I wrote "yours" followed by a " ;-) " and a "LOL." I think I NAILED it!!
←Rate | 09-02-2011 21:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wife asks "Do you wanna have sex or watch Top Chef?"... Apparently "Well, what are they cooking?" was the wrong answer
←Rate | 09-03-2011 23:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing more exhilarating than playing air guitar in your underwear...
←Rate | 02-15-2011 13:29 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After spending millions in research scientist still do not know exactly how long a cotton picking minute is.
←Rate | 02-15-2011 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think 'supervision' isn't nearly as cool as it sounds...
←Rate | 02-18-2011 10:42 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everyone has that friend in the group that everyone hates but just keeps them around for the sole reason of hating him. If you think that's not the case in your group, then you're that friend.
←Rate | 02-21-2011 14:03 by MR Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shouting "Not it!" should still make us exempt from doing anything that we don't feel like doing.
←Rate | 06-10-2011 13:17 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think one reason they call them "Relaxed Fit" jeans is that "Ass The Size of Texas" jeans would not sell very well.
←Rate | 06-18-2011 15:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've accepted the fact that I'll never be as funny as those novelty shirts from Spencer's.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 12:54 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just finished watching that movie where Julia Roberts has a lot of teeth.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 12:49 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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