Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Looks like everyone has staycation the week 4th of July. Party animals, huh? 
I'm not reading between the lines, I'm reading the lines.
Bought some prescribe pills to improve my memory. But I keep forgetting to take them.
As a mother, I knew one day I would have to deal with the issue of bullying. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon and to my fish.
The mandatory mask rules are preventing fire breathing dragons from defending themselves. Please vote Pro-Dragon.
Cars these days have so many sensors and rear cameras you gotta work extra hard to run someone over
You think jumping out of an airplane is dangerous? Pfft…try going to Trader Joe’s when you’re starving to death.
One of the most cherished memories of Christmastime at my house when I was a kid was my mom putting out even more towels that I wasn't allowed to use.
Don't forget to wave smile and wish your neighbors a Merry Christmas who are kind like Facebook friends you might not really know either, but live closer.
I imagine after the pandemic when people start socializing again Facebook is going to be about as popular as Myspace.
Trying to pay for a $10 item with a 5 dollar bill and explaining that the bill is double sided
If you don’t know the right way to bend your knees and lower yourself for exercise purposes then you don’t know squat.
Did you hear about the new squirrel diet? It's just nuts.
COP: someone's been cutting everyone's christmas lights but not yours ME: I have no idea why a crustacean- I mean person would do that [my pet lobster Susan slowly puts her big pincer behind her back]
If you can read this, you're going to be pretty disappointed in what I "got you" for christmas.
All my friends just got fired from the rodeo. It was a real Cowboy boot.
I wonder if the hats, which were made in China, are infected with the coronavirus?
ALL STREAMING SERVICES SHOULD BE FREE AT THIS TIME!
After 32 days of quarantining, I'm officially a f@t cu^ t.
They say the Ugliest parents make the most beautiful babies .. Damn girl your parents must be Fugly 