Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Trump is spending the entire day today fishing. For compliments. 
When your lawyer's, lawyer needs a lawyer. You know things must be bad.
Guys, prove you're not a rapist by giving large sums of money to random women!
Wonder if Donald is going to borrow money from Vladimir Putin to pay for Trump University lawsuit.
Kim Jong Un has made millions of Americans look up the word dotard. So far, he's done way more education than Betsy DeVos.
Covid spelled backwards is divoc... As in where divoc is my beer?
Farting under the covers is no longer called a dutch oven. It’s now a "covid test". If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.
Wear a sombrero to the next wedding you’re invited too. Long after they’re divorced they’ll talk about the guy in the sombrero.
For animals with an "amazing sense of smell" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing "Whoops, these are turds"
What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a hooker with diarrhea?An epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits
that uncomfortable feeling when your poking session on FB lasted longer than "the real poking'
Went from being “in relationship” to being “single.” Modern Warfare 3 claims its first victim!
Why do they advertise that something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
If you are fat and your wearing skinny jeans, it does not make you look skinny.. it makes you look silly!!!
....... In suppoert of the Ocupy Wall Street movement ... I withdrew 20 bucks from my bank and bought a burger, fries, and went to a movie!! .. Take that you evil corporations!!
Ooook-lahoma, where the Earthquake comes sweepin' down the plain And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet When the Tornado's come right behind the rain.!
Because of Harry Potter a whole generation of boys learned it was good to read. And to master control of one's wand.
Big girls don't cry. Well, not tears. It's a combination of chocolate, movie popcorn butter, and broken dreams.
Dear grown folks, Stop going broke trying to look rich and act your WAGE:)
My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings. 