Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To all the single ladies out there who for some reason own a cat, please don't show up on your date covered in cat hair, its a huge turn off. Sincerely, every man in the world.

   saw some mexicans beatin some white guy with sticks in tge street. I yelled, hey, ...hey..thats a man, not a pinata..

   Back in 82 I was told to wait a cotton picking minute... I'm still waiting, how long is that exactly?

   I'm sorry, but any man who says his Wedding Day is the happiest day of his life has obviously never scored an over-head kick on FIFA 12.

   Please , with all that is good in life ..shoove those lemons up your backside ??

   In case I die, please update my status as "no more copy and paste". My password is ********** Thanks

   someone ate half my black crayon, the built in box sharpener is jammed, I have checks to write, gonna be one of those days

   I Hate Fake people! Go back to China where you were made!

   Woman! Can't live with them, can't live with them.

   a lot of ppl tend to over react to the situation before even knowing the true story

   So windy in New York, the Statue of Liberty has been caught doing Marilyn Monroe impressions.

   Accidentally ran over a guy and I stopped to call the ambulance but then I saw his ponytail. Now I'm treating myself with ice cream.

   "Together forever" said no sock ever.

   JAB: Well now that there is a prince of Cambridge, I am going to have to claim prince of Somerville before someone else does. .

   I qonder if Shamu and Orca get jealous of Shark week

   My dad used to beat me with a camera. I still get flash backs

   Oh no Chris from Kriss Kross died... You know the 90's rap duo that wore their clothes backwards.... I guess it's down to only Kross Dressing. That's wikkity wikkity wikkity wack!

   It could be worse. Kanye and Kim originally wanted to name the kid Wild Wild.

   if he or she cheats on him or her with you than he or she is going to cheat on you .

   Jesus, Alicia Keys! Are you just going to stand there singing about it, or are you going to help the poor girl?!? GET A BUCKET OF WATER THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!