Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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When the angels ask what I loved most about life, I'll say you. 
I hate when I sleep on my arm by accident, and waking up in the middle of the night not being able to feel it
Lawyer to Mickey: Sorry Mickey I can't divorce you from Minnie because she has big teeth.......Mickey to Lawyer: Sir, That's not what I meant when I said she was f*cking Goofy!!
Cat talking sh!t, girls gone, so the dogs and I are clearing the Living Room so we can have single elimination cage matches, winner gets to hit that pu55y...eeerrrr, cat!
I must be the only person that didn't like Avatar. I fell asleep an hour into it. I mean seriously, if I wanted to see a love story I would have rented "The Notebook" then promptly shot myself in the face.
TOYOTA, ONCE YOU DRIVE ONE YOU'LL NEVER STOP
This is my facebook. This is my gun. This is for posting this is for fun
Dear At&t, can you please stopping dropping my phone calls. I know the iPhone is a great money maker for you, but you guys don't enough bandwidth to service your FLIPPIN handheld media devices plus my FLIPPIN PHONE CALLS... mmmmkkkay thanks
o═════<()¸„ø¤º°¨¨°º¤øº♪ ♫ ♪. 90 min of this annoying crap.
All I have ever wanted is to be left alone......................in South America...............with a tribe of sex-starved Amazon women
busy re-wrapping extra strength chocolate ex-lax in Hershey miniature wrappers for the Trick or Treat-ers this week end.
I'm never going to marry a woman unless I'd be proud to have a daughter exactly like her.
Christmas...-What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of your sock?
♪ ♫ ♩♩ ♬ Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeens, 4 friend requests, 3 I ignore, 2 annoying pokes and ME in need of happy hour!
┐('.'┐) ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ ┐('.'┐) (┌'.')┌ (┌'.')┌ cus' this is thriller, thriller night.
the fact that she loves anal is awesome...I just wish she'd layoff the hot peppers!
You can tell the Pope is a typical Man... He decided to break up a relationship with God just before Valentines Day, just so that he doesn't have to give a gift!!!
I'm tired of Duck Dynasty and their fowl language!
My left nipple is 3 minutes slower than my right at hardening.
The sign at this Burger King bathroom says employees must wash hands. I've been waiting for them to come wash my hands for an hour. Nothing. 