Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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having a most excellent adventure with Bill and Ted 
I need to start speaking my mind because my tongue is starting to hurt from biting it!
told by someone that swimming will get you in shape ......IF THAT IS THE CASE SOMEBODY EXPLAIN TO ME WHY WHALES ARE SO effin FAT !?!?
1065 friends on facebook and not one of ya came to vist me.........so up yours
Accidentally grabbing the glitter spray instead of the feminine deopdorant spray gives "disco stick" a whole new meaning.
checking out your facebook albums hoping to see some bikini photos of your girlfriend.
What do you call a big group of lesbians? The Munch Bunch.
Good morning Tuesday...tell your pal Friday he needs to come around here tomorrow.
In preparation for the end of the world in 2012, I am building an Ark. I am going to to need two of everything, Two Blonds, Two Brunettes and Two Redheads.
What's LOVE? In math: A problem. In history: A war. In chemistry: A reaction. In art: A heart. In me: Bull
In my house, we pray after we eat.
Did I ever tell you about my roofer who came down with shingles?
My status has a crush on someone.
I once went 4 days with out a cell phone. So ya, Third World Countries, I get it now.
Err -45 degrees! Does that read right!? Thought this was global warming! I see an ice age!
Sometimes I wish I was a bird, so that when times got tough I could just fly over certain people and sh*t on their heads!
A guy preaching in town today said to me"Madam do you believe in the second coming?" I said "with my hushusbandband I'm lucky if I come once!" I'm lucky if
If you want your food delivered faster by the delivery driver working in the middle of a pandemic with very little base pay and no benefits don't forget to tip!
Scream movies would never happen in this day and age because every time the killer would call we’d just let it go to voicemail.
America going straight into 'thoughts & prayers' Groundhog Day mode after yet another mass school shooting. 