Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 455 of 6384
wonders how people who work in BubbleWrap factories get ANY work done at all.
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07-30-2010 11:28
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Remember before they had Hummers when you had to actually talk to a guy to tell if he was an a**hole?
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08-14-2010 18:59
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figured out when ordering at Starbucks, it pretty much works out to $1 a word
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08-19-2010 13:49
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One of the biggest benchmarks of true adulthood is when you come to the realization that all teenagers are douche bags.
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08-20-2010 09:04
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What doesn't kill you makes you slower. -Ancient Zombie Wisdom
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08-24-2010 06:22
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Yesterday, citizens of Norway woke up to a weird blue light in the sky, which the Russian Defense Ministry later claimed was due to a failed missle test. Thank goodness. I was worried it was a UFO. It's nice to know it's just a renegade Russian missle.
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12-12-2009 12:47 by tomcall
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February 14, 2010 will now be known as "Singles Awareness Day. F you to all the candymakers, cardmakers, jewlers, florists, and Cupid!
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01-21-2010 14:38
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thinkin' about going out tonight, because the Beastie Boys fought, and possibly died, for my right to party.
read that Pat Robertson claims all the snow on the East Coast is God punishing them for Jersey Shore.
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03-02-2010 10:26
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You never really learn how to swear until you begin to drive.
Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
Dogs see that their owner provides them with food, shelter and caters to their every need and they think "He must be God." Cats see that their owner provides them with food, shelter and caters to their every need and they think "I must be God."
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09-04-2010 20:49
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Sometimes the dreams that come true are the dreams you never knew you had. Like when the vending machine gives you 2 soda's
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09-13-2010 14:45
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It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
Whenever I accidentally enter a wrong room I like to yell out a large number before excusing myself and leaving. That way everyone is left with a mystery to discuss, such as "What the hell does 402 mean?"
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10-01-2010 00:58 by @_swagz
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I hate to brag, but it's the most effortless way to enlighten people about my magnificence.
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10-07-2010 22:01 by Aaron
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The next person to tell me I overreact is going to get stabbed.
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10-10-2010 13:03 by jimbo
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You're saying I'm immature. Well, you're immature times infinity.
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10-13-2010 10:19 by jus2sweet
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feeling so good today. High-five the person next to you and tell them it's from me.
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10-24-2010 14:58
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