Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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BP executives said that Hurrican Alex rendered their clean-up efforts completely useless. In other words, nothing has changed. 
I am used but in good condition
Darthvader should of been made to pay back dated child support for Luke!
...just heard that angered by today's Federal indictment for lying to Congress about his use of steroids and human growth hormones, Roger Clemens threw a car at reporters...
Look at it this way... If Walmart didn't exist, those people could shop ANYWHERE.
It's funny how the change jar slowly becomes all pennies.
No one wants to work. Work sucks, it's just that eating thing we all like to do
thinks someone needs to falcon punch Gucci Mane in his ice cream loving face...
googling for Honest Politicians but the search keeps coming as "0" search found.
was considering divorcing my wife today, as she hasn't spoken to me in 4 months, a friend told me to reconsider as women like this are very hard to find
If only closed minds came with closed mouths!!.....
God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.
TSA Pat Downs. Stealing the Mile High Club's thunder since 2010.
Acquaintance: a person I know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
No clean cereal bowls? Line a strainer with plastic wrap. Laziness is the father of invention.
Before I know I'm in for a hellacious night of drinking, I try to plan a few common sense things out ahead of time, like a hotel or a DD or something like that. There's always one variable I forget, though - I'm an invincible moron when I'm drunk.
...just heard that Britney told E! that Paris doesn't have a problem with drugs. isn't that like asking Chester Cheetah if the Cookie Monster has a problem with carbs...
Those high powered hand dryers are awesome for getting your hands dry in three seconds, and as an added bonus I now know what my hands would look like if they ever went sky diving.
Another day of saying stuff I don't mean and thinking stuff I don't say.
what you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. 