Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Skype Conversations: 5% Hey, how are you? 95% CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?!

   My relationship with my Ex was very psychological...she's psycho and I'm logical.

   Some rude idiot just interrupted my afternoon nap by honking his horn just because the light turned green.

   What will the next Democrat prez do to end poverty? Same all the rest did; nothing...

   If someone has to lie, cheat and steal to get your vote, they're not the leader you're looking for.

   Do people literally just sit there and think about Trump ALL DAY long? My lord people. Watch Netflix, go outside, go to work, eat an apple, have sex, call a friend, do laundry, smoke pot, buy a truck, plan a trip, rob an old lady, cook jello, use a port a

   Since we are cancelling COPS, & LivePD can we also cancel The View?

   Anyone remember when MTV was "white"?

   Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I die before I wake. Then this will be my last status update.

   ...can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

   My ex just sent me a photo of her having sex with her new boyfriend. I sent it to her Dad

   I failed the quiz by 1 point, the last question was " where do most women have curly hair" apparently the correct answer was "Africa"..

   Single girls give better hugs.

   Do you remember your parents telling you when you were bad, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out!" Those were the good ole' days

   If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you, she is the one.

   Global Warming must be true, it seems a lot of snow flakes are melting this year.

   Bad Gun! Bad Gun!....Shame on you for making criminals do those bad things!.......And then those Forks that are making me Fat!!!

   If the Olympics has taught me anything it's that China may have a population of over 1 billion... but they only have two hair styles.

   so youre looking for a good guy who will love and respect you, but yet you post half naked pics on your fb? why thats. .thats brilliant!

   If I ever go to prison, I'm gonna make damn sure everyone knows my street name: Butthole Teeth.