Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don't Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.

   you know you're small when your application to be a porn star in China gets rejected

   What do you call a lion wearing a stylish hat? A dandy lion! (I'm here all day)

   Don't judge me until you know me. Don't underestimate me until you challenge me. And don't talk about me until you talk to me

   Rihanna should date Lebron James.. He never beats anyone

   Tonight on TV. there's a documentary about white trash.... I only saw the trailer..

   Being Irish means getting rip-roaring drunk on special occasions. For example, when you celebrate dinner.

   I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark, Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him

   That rather uneasy moment when your Arab friend says, "I'm the bomb!

   If I could put one thing in the U.S. Constitution, it would be "In order to wear Yoga Pants, one must have a Yoga Body."

   Does anyone know the name of that rap song where they talk about weed and b!tches?

   Condom says to Tampax.."You put me outta Business for 1 week a month. Tampax says to Condom..."If you don't do your job I lose mine for 9 months."

   I don't consider myself.. 'SINGLE & ALONE' I consider myself ' INDEPENDENT & AVAILABLE :3~)

   All in all, this is just another... post on my wall

   You're skin is such a nice orange, what ethnicity are you? Carrot, perhaps?,

   At some point a man realizes he's better off with a sane 6 or 7 than a crazy 9 or 10.

   My worst 3 subjects in school we're Math and English.

   Chicken strips because Chicken never knew her father.

   Firetrucks & ambulances would be far more effective if they were to replace that annoying siren with the song "Move B*tch" by Ludacris

   Dodged another windshield today.....BUG LIFE.