Tjshome.com
Funny Status Messages
Submit Status
TJ's Blog
Image Filters
Contact US
Submit a Status Message
Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Sort:
Recent
|
Oldest
|
Rating
Search Messages:
«Prev
«1
545
546
547
548
549
550
551
552
Next»
Most Recent
Page: 549 of 6385
You can eat gluten-free, organic food without telling everyone at your table.
11
2
←Rate |
07-14-2020 07:57
Comments (
0
)
[dismissed from jury duty because I kept coughing loudly the words ‘bribe me’]
11
2
←Rate |
07-14-2020 15:18
Comments (
0
)
If I ever choke to death on Gummy Bears, please make sure it goes on record that I was killed by Bears.
11
2
←Rate |
07-16-2020 14:36
Comments (
0
)
I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next, more things?? That's how they get you
11
2
←Rate |
10-22-2017 08:11 by
andrewjackson
Comments (
0
)
My wife finally broke our dog begging at the table. She let him taste her cooking.
11
2
←Rate |
10-22-2017 15:46
Comments (
0
)
As a high school student, I think I was bitten by a radioactive sloth
11
2
←Rate |
01-10-2018 17:55
Comments (
0
)
My shrink keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects. But what does he know? He's a lamp.
11
2
←Rate |
01-16-2018 08:23
Comments (
0
)
I once was brave enough to shave my privates with a straight razor. But now I don't have the balls to do it again.
11
2
←Rate |
01-18-2018 21:25 by
JAKE
Comments (
0
)
My ex told me to get some of those tablets that should help me get an erection.........should have seen her face when I tossed her the slimming pills
11
2
←Rate |
01-20-2018 04:06
Comments (
0
)
Two of the greatest mysteries of the universe: 1) Why are we here? 2) How come Chinese restaurants don't serve breakfast?
11
2
←Rate |
01-30-2018 06:59
Comments (
1
)
I hate it when I tell someone I'll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
11
2
←Rate |
02-06-2018 04:05
Comments (
0
)
I want to start a support organization for pets that are forced to be emotional supports for humans
11
2
←Rate |
02-11-2018 22:01
Comments (
0
)
If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?
11
2
←Rate |
02-13-2018 16:18 by
Jake
Comments (
0
)
I Went to the Valentine's day parade downtown, it was nothing more than a drunk guy wandering around with heart on.
11
2
←Rate |
02-14-2018 16:45 by
MDS
Comments (
0
)
Money may not buy happiness. But it take the sting out of being miserable.
11
2
←Rate |
02-15-2018 22:51 by
Justathought
Comments (
0
)
The self checkout line was invented for a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
11
2
←Rate |
02-21-2018 22:33 by
Austin
Comments (
0
)
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
11
2
←Rate |
02-25-2018 13:10 by
MDS
Comments (
0
)
When I found out that the sperm bank paid for donations. I realised that I had let a fortune slip through my fingers.
11
2
←Rate |
03-05-2018 23:41 by
Jake
Comments (
0
)
Wild horses could not drag me away from this lasagna dinner because they lack opposible thumbs and organizational skills
11
2
←Rate |
03-06-2018 12:20
Comments (
0
)
Questioning me about stupid things like why there’s a wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.
11
2
←Rate |
03-13-2018 02:21
Comments (
0
)
«Prev
«1
545
546
547
548
549
550
551
552
Next»
Most Recent
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:
X says
X is
X was
X has
X
...
characters left
Read the Rules
Site Links
Home
Funny Status Messages
Status Message Generator
TJ's Blog
About Tjshome
Contact Us
Privacy
© 1999 - 2021 Tjshome.com