Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Bring funny back

   Just got back from a Rocky Mountain Oyster Fest in Colorado. It was Nuts!

   It's my birthday! I'm finally at that age where I can switch from health food to preservatives.

   No matter how old you may be, an empty wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to use to bonk someone over the head with.

   User is suspected as gay. Please report any Suspicious activity to discord staff.

   I am the reason why Santa has a naughty list.

   The White House hosted its annual Hanukkah party and everything was going great until Biden pulled on a rabbi's beard and said, "You're not Santa."

   I ordered my Biden deck of cards. But it's missing half the deck and the numbers are upside down.

   Today France's defense will try to last 90 minutes and beat their World War II record... not looking good.....

   I wonder how was God able to find some wise men when most of us men don't even know how to stop and ask for directions when we're lost?

   a few more minutes mom

   "His heart wasn't the only thing that was two sizes too small!" -Mrs. Grinch

   Dear Santa, I was good at being NAUGHTY. Does that count for anything?

   When it comes to jokes about elves, I'm a little short.

   Welcome to your 60s - you now think every car has its brights on.

   My favorite childhood memory is fast metabolism

   What if we vaccinate a bunch of mosquitoes next Spring and release them?

   Let me get this straight; a fat man who breaks and enters into my home, who steals all my Christmas cookies, is the one who judges if I'm naughty or nice?

   Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in the car like they've just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey's Anatomy?

   Due to the extreme coal shortage, Santa will be giving out Justin Bieber cds to all the bad kids this year.