Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 79 of 6384
The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.
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01-04-2023 02:44
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May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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Amazonesia: When you forget what you ordered this time.
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01-04-2023 02:43
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The hot water bottle I bought the other day doesn’t work. I put water in it like two hours ago and it still isn’t hot.
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01-04-2023 02:42
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According to my chocolate calendar, there are only three days left until Valentine’s Day.
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01-04-2023 02:41
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Our power went down for nearly 4 hours. I got hungry, panicked and almost resorted to cannibalism. You guys are lucky the power came back on when it did, because some of you look delicious.
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01-04-2023 02:39
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I don’t understand why people buy wipes for eyeglasses. I’m confused. Wait, hold up. How many of you just use your shirttail like a real person?
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01-04-2023 02:37
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All my updates come with an extra helping of cornbread dressing. While supplies last.
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01-04-2023 02:36
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Gonna start a page called Older Fans, where it’s just me telling everyone what hurts today and what miniscule task I was doing that caused the pain. Today it’s: My back ~ The rain.
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01-04-2023 02:35
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I'm seeking scientific study assistants and participants to publish a study called "The Perfect Orgasm" - Pay is $20 per session
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01-03-2023 23:14 by Gil
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"Don't know what to tell you. He was just a quiet guy who kept to himself." -What my neighbors are say about me when it all goes wrong.
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01-03-2023 09:03
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Do I love my co workers ?
No
But are they really good at their job and make my life easier ? Also no
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12-31-2022 19:30
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Beaver's mother was Barbara Billingsley, you dum@$$!
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12-31-2022 19:25
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Answering your cell phone when you don't recognize the number is like picking up a hitch-hiker.
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12-31-2022 19:22
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Condolences to all the church sanctioned pedophiles, your Pedo king has died .
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12-31-2022 17:54
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RIP Barbara Walters. Beaver Cleaver's TV mom died. Eddie, Whitey, and Lumpy must be devastated.
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12-31-2022 00:21 by Gil
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I'm cool...like the sweat from a snowman.
High On Life 2
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12-29-2022 14:45
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IPA stands for “It’s Pee Actually” and I think that’s beautiful
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12-29-2022 10:19
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Some days I feel as if Lady Justice has taken off her blindfold, dipped it into some water and cracked me on the rear end with it.
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12-28-2022 20:24
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