Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Party tonight, bring booze or chicks. Seperate, or one already in the other. Your call...

   way to "own the podium" Canada. At last count you have what, only 1/2 the medals as the USA!

   thinks I just stepped in a bouquet of oopsei dasies.

   hasn't slept for ten days.........................................because that would be too long.

   Just put a down payment on my yellow submarine.

   now interactive on facebook. If you move your arrow keys on the keyboard it controlls my left ear. Have fun!

   my sushi brings all the japs to the yard, and there like "couneshiwah"

   thinks to err is human but to blame it on someone else... now that's supervisor material!

   ..sometimes at work, I like to stand behind one of the employees that has no sense of humor and wait till the owner comes by, then I start laughing out loud at their computer monitor as if they were looking at something funny online rather than working..

   What's worse than the dog chewing your shoe? A whale eating your trainer!

   thinks it's only a weak soul that walks towards Alchohol as a 'solution' when the going gets tough. Not me though - I sprint towards it....

   advising to talk to the status.... the hand is not listening!!

   advising others to be careful!! I am not currently medicated!!

   A celebratory beer after winning the gold - $1. While you're at it, might as well have a cigar - $3. The Canadian women looking like fools, especially with all the problems caused because of Canada hosting the Olympic games - priceless.

   The difference between a sin and shame; It is a sin to put it in; It is a shame to pull it out!

   thinks reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

   I like having those fat girls as myspace friends, they always provide the cleavage photos, no wonder they receive so many darn comments

   please don't interrupt me while I am ignoring you.

   in west,dates were divided in two parts A.C. & B.C...in USA its now divided into three parts A.C., B.C., and 9/11

   To err is human,to blame it on someone else is more human..