Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I like your style ... I like your class ... but most of all I like your ass!

   Common sense isn't common

   Today's subliminal message is . . .

   Just put together my first "Ikea" furniture.....wow some real cardboard CRAP!.......Hey Sweden, here's a bright ikea.....KEEP IT

   I kissed a girl on the playground in the summer of '96. Maybe someday she'll find me and we'll hook up again. Who Knows, Until then I'll keep chasing brunettes with big boobies."

   I don't believe I ever heard a man speak worse English with more difficulty, than Christiano Ronaldo in that Castrol commercial xD

   We have Gandhi - India...beat that...Oh wait... he believed in non-violence

   thinks that calling some people "white trash" is an insult to styrofoam.

   I didn't say it was your fault...I said I was going to blame you.

   knows that running the air conditioner 24/7 hurts the environment, but the Earth needs to be punished *somehow* for being so bloody hot.

   Shocked Justin Bieber did not win a BET award.....don't worry Justin neither did Hanson, Nelson, or Hasseloff.

   Aibohphobia -- fear of palindromes (ironically it is a palindrome)

   just thrown out of church: I put $100 in the offering plate and the Priest was so excited he asked me to come up front and pick three hymns. I replied, <pointing> I'll take him… and him… and him….

   If my plane is about to crash, I doubt I'll be using my seat as a "flotation device." More likely, it's gonna be used as a toilet.

   making some changes in his life. If your not on my friends list any longer, you were one of the changes........

   If you took a Facebook IQ Test and it determined you're a Genius, the fact that you participated in a Facebook test negates the results.

   The key to friendship is to accept the other person's faults. You'll understand this should I ever develop any.

   Twilight. Let's break it down. Twi= What Elmer Fudd is always doing. Twi'ing to hunt a wabbit. Light=Electromagnetic radiation of a wavelength that is visible to the eye. I think we can all agree that Elmer Fudd & Radiation should not be mixed.

   There is really quite nothing like the flavor of a rejected Facebook friendship invitation.

   People say hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anyone who "rested to death?"