Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What's the difference between pink and purple? The grip.

   my ex got run down by a lorry today.i thought "wow,that could have been me!" but I cant drive a lorry!

   thinks instead of asking why your dog eats out of your cat's litter box, maybe you should be asking why your cat is pooping delicious treats!

   Fat girls should not wear tight jeans... just sayin

   I like my women like I like my milk. White and fat free

   Censored Snoop Doggy Dogg songs on the radio sound like two AT&T customers having a conversation on the phone.

   how come everything on a cereal box becomes 10 times more interesting to read when you're eating cereal?

   An "ex" is called an "ex" because it's an EXample of what you shouldn't have again in the future ;)

   thinks Starbucks should start selling a cup of "shut the _uck up" --grande size!

   I think it's pretty funny how ppl take pictures of them selfs in bathrooms and then post it on FB

   It's like a blast of hydration...to your face.

   Ever try to take a Barbie out of it's packaging??? What, is she going to escape? Is she into bondage?

   There was a decrease in attendence for Saturday's NASCAR event and a Tim McGraw concert. In related news, the 14th summer redneck games were held in Georgia.

   hold tight to your most precious joys; make memories, laugh a lot, love more, give & accept lots of hugs because it could all be gone in the blink of an eye

   climbing Mt. Washmore.

   I'm having a healthy and nutritious Meal, and I'm washing it down with a healthy and nutritious BEER. This health food stuff is not as bad as I thought after all.

   My MIL takes the F out of MILF.

   My therapist said I let other people control my emotions to much. I don't think that's true at all, what do you think?

   F to the you to the C to the K pretty much sums up my day

   Likes putting 1lb bags of M&M's in the Diabetic and Diet food asiles at the grocery store.