Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I got Adonis DNA.....Just check my bed sheets! WINNING!

   I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part of.

   I just accidentally sat through the commercials of a show recorded on my DVR. Every time I do that, a part of me dies.

   Libyan uprising, Japan quake/tsunami, impending nuclear reactor(s) metdown -- BUSH'S FAULT

   If athletes wear 'JUST DO IT' shirts...do drug dealers wear 'JUST SELL IT' shirts?

   You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

   I rather have that one in a million friend rather than a million friends-Josh Frazier-

   I think I discovered time travel...I put instant coffee in the microwave.

   What is the meanest thing you can do to a person? Take the light bulb out of the bathroom and leave the plunger in the toilet!

   Happy Pi day!!! Party at my house.. BYOC (Bring your own calculator) :D

   I demand a “That's what she said” button be added to Facebook

   Fashion tip of the day: If your thighs stop moving 30 seconds after you do, say NO to spandex.

   The world needs a hero, I'll go change my clothes..

   I walk light so I don't piss the ground off..

   ok Ladies, time to start tenderizing the meat!

   If my calculations are correct... Switching to Geico from Allstate, then transferring your policy to State Farm, only to drop them and switch to Progressive.... Auto insurance will be free!

   people will hate you, rate you, break you, and shake you. how strong you stand is what makes you.

   I have taken a vow of poverty. To annoy me...send money.

   I told a girl she drew her eyebrows on too high. She looked pretty surprised.

   I think it's hilarious people have profile pics up of them from 2 yrs ago. You do not look like that anymore, hunny. lol