Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   That awkward moment when you and the girl you just met ran out of things to talk.

   BAD DAY I feel like Kylie Minogue - but without the fame, talent or charisma. OMG! I'm Danni Minogue!!

   I dream in High Definition.

   I'm so hungry I could eat the A$$ end out of a rag doll.

   If you don't like my tweets then don't follow me. And if you don't like losing then don't follow Lakers.

   That Awkward Moment when you realise the person you dating has always looked like that. You just never noticed cause you were whipped!

   Can you tell when your statuses are lame? Yes, But unlike parents of an ugly baby, I can disown my status.

   As a parent, can you really not tell if your baby is ugly?

   There's so many ways the world could end. Like maybe Dinosaurs come back from holiday & kill us all.

   The Pope has called life in Germany under the Nazi's a "dark time". Altar boys have called life in Germany UNDER Priests "hurty hurty time".

   Air Force - A pair of Nike shoes or, what Darth Vader calls his farts.

   I think you are funny. My girlfriend thinks you are hot, all of a sudden you not so funny anymore

   if only 3 people live in my house... why is there 7 toothbrushes?

   Once upon a time, GIRLS used to cook like their mothers,but now they drink like their Fathers...!!!

   Sunday is here again...time to put on our christianity hats and act all holly and mighty while we pretend to care about god and his 10 commandments.

   when you see her name on dialled , missed and receive calls , you know she is your girl friend

   if God created us in his image why the Hell don't we have powers?

   I put my WELCOME mat on the inside of my house so the world doesn't seem so scary when I leave.

   I remember when 69 was just a number..BJ's was just a store.. & doggy style was a way to swim.

   Life may not always give us chances, but it always gives us choices.