Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   women dont trust women, why should i???

   If I send you a text and you don't respond, and then I see you update Facebook at the same time, you're dead to me.

   The Press is going on and on about how Beyonce has bared her "Baby Bump".Apparently she was successful in getting f*cked.Big Whoop! All the other members of Destiny's Child got f*cked a long time ago.

   I care about who wins tonight's GOP Debate about as much as I care about who wins one of those fake wrestling smackdowns. Actually put all the GOP contenders in a cagematch where they can smack each other with folding chairs and I might actually watch it.

   people who write songs as their status are creeps, they are weirdooooss, they don't know what the hell they're looking for, they don't belong here...

   Sadly there comes a day in every Father/Son Relationship where your son asserts himself by simply saying "No thank you" when you say "Pull my finger".

   The Doctor advised me to eat more spinach. He said it'd put color in my cheeks. Who wants green cheeks?

   These people on my Facebook aren't really friends, just more of a wish list of people I want to sleep with

   U know you living with some white roommates when you see more name labels in the fridge than actual food.

   BBC have just announced that Gaddafi may have slipped in to Jordan. .......Has that woman no shame?

   I don't have to be wearing a coat in july to be told I look hot!

   Sad 60's Self Realization:Most of the people who used to call you a Space Cowboy, a Gangster of Love, and Maurice now call you a Sad Hippie Has-Been.

   I'm a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees

   I really question the marketing tactics at Whosale Furniture Outlets. I've never heard anyone say "Oooh! A giant inflatable Ape!! I think I want to buy a couch!"

   R.I.P. Pavol Demitra and the hockey team killed in the plane crash near the city of Yaroslavl

   I have a Japanese friend who can write in that cool calligraphy. That's pretty impressive. Of course I won't be REALLY impressed until I see her do the "YMCA" dance in her own language.

   "Were sorry; the new Facebook is back up."

   I'm calling child protective services on Mother Nature.

   when someone posts something like, "In a bad mood. Don't ask!". They actually want you to ask and are looking for attention.

   If Febreze is really that damn good then maybe they should consider putting a douche on the market.