Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 270 of 6386
Men fear me and women want me in the shower, both because of the lice
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05-03-2021 09:19
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My buddy’s wife put him on a strict diet, so now I earn money by selling him Reese’s through the back door.
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05-03-2021 08:22
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“I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” is my favourite song about opening and closing the fridge 150 times a day
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05-03-2021 08:21
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In an alternate universe, horses wearing fancy hats watch humans run the Kentucky Derby
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05-03-2021 08:21
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My mom just called to say not to let any of my twitter people know she got a traffic ticket. So anyways my mom has never gotten a traffic ticket, thanks.
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05-03-2021 08:20
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I have a joke about the pandemic but it’s taking too long to finish
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05-03-2021 08:19
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Never once in my life have I ever met a dentist in a social situation randomly somewhere outside of a dentist’s office. Think about it.
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05-03-2021 08:19
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My Face ID only recognizes me if I’m chewing now.
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05-03-2021 08:18
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Don't judge a woman by pounds and she won't judge you by inches.
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05-03-2021 07:33
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If Uranus had a country called Europe, you'd be European from Uranus.
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05-02-2021 08:37 by Mr.Matt
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The Rudy Giuliani Song: If you like subpoena coladas, and getting caught in Ukraine....
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05-01-2021 23:47
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Glad to see no horses kneeled for the national anthem during the kentucky derby
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05-01-2021 19:36
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Protestants. Some man didn't like God's version of Christianity (Catholicism), so they decided to fix what God got wrong.
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05-01-2021 12:04 by Fazzy
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I'm donating my body to science... fiction.
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04-30-2021 21:15 by Fazzy
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One of the stars of Borat 2 is under investigation for possible criminal activity at the direction of a Home Alone 2 cast member.
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04-30-2021 18:35
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My granddad just said if I was having trouble getting rid of coffee stains on my teeth I should soak them in Clorox. I had to remind him that my teeth don’t come out
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04-30-2021 08:23
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A couch nap with a little kid on your stomach is the best sleep you can ever have. It’s like a weighted blanket whose college you gotta pay for.
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04-30-2021 08:22
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why is it called hoarding and not stock home syndrome?
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04-30-2021 08:22
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To the lady who flipped me off when I honked at you, your phone probably isn’t on top of your car anymore!
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04-30-2021 08:21
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I don’t need the body of a 20 yr old. I would take their bladder though.
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04-30-2021 08:21
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