Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Starbucks is banning smoking within 25 feet of its stores. It's tricky since every Starbucks is 25 feet from another Starbucks. 
in my next relationship, I'm going to pretend I'm deaf...
seems like they'd have an app for the smart phones & tablets where you can just write down important things for the ppl that forget stuff.....on the ipad & iphone they can call it "iforget"
balloons are so weird. "happy birthday, here's a rubber sack of my breath."
McDonalds Golden Arches is kind of like Batman's Bat-Signal for fat people....
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them.
I throw my sandwich in the air sometimes sayin "Hey Yo....I asked for mayo".
If you're offended so quickly and don't get sarcasm, it means you have no sense of humour and ruin everyone else's humor.
If you're offended so quickly and don't get sarcasm, it means you have no sense of humour and ruin everyone elses humor.
If you're offended so quickly and don't get sarcasm, it means you have no sense of humour.
A good relationship is not without struggle – it's knowing how to struggle.
I didn't reply to your text because I never got it. I also didn't like some of the things it said.
Don't pray too much; God might recognize it as spam. :)
Drinking at a bar last night so I took a bus home. That might not seem like a big deal to you, but i've never driven a bus before!
I want to admit my mistakes, but people might think that I'm an idiot.
I want to admit my mistakes, but people might think that I'm and idiot.
My 6yo thinks it's bullcrap that grown-ups don't get a summer break.
Open an ice cream shop and name your flavors things like: "don't be sad","he's not worth it","you deserve better".
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment... 