Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "If Jesus had a gun, he would be alive today" - Homer Simpson

   There iis both a freedom of speech and freedom of silence......a wise person knows when to use both.

   A guy that's inbred and makes a living helping people trick ducks into landing for sex, is going to tell his opinion about wrong sex... Shove that down your throats!

   Santa Clause said to support gays. Now what am I gonna do? My two favorite omni-present imaginary dieties are contradicting eachother!

   Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone's front porch.

   R.I.P to my normal sleeping pattern during this festive season.

   Phil Robertson should totally hook up with Paula Deen. 2 Evils come together

   I fall easier naked! Why can't the flight attendant understand that?

   Santa is a Republican 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   I don't always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbors yard.

   A&E has just announced the replacement show for Duck Dynasty the new show will be Dyke Dynasty.

   Last time I checked, Chick-fil-A is still sellin chicken and I'm sure Phil Robertson will keep spreadin gods good word and shooting ducks.

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast... it will sound just like "Merry Christmas"!!!

   Santa is a Democrat: 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   I imagine love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then Listening to it over and over again till you hate that song."

   Alcohol? Yes. Feelings? Hell no!

   Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll

   Relationships? No, I prefer alcohol and pizza.

   accidentally blew my duck call backwards and I called in Carson Kressley from queer eye for the straight guy. That was weird

   I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.