Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Parents have no idea what it's like to be a teenager in our generation…

   Since Kanye wants to write a song named 'I Am God' I wanna see him bring his dead mother back to life again.

   Fri(end) Girlfri(end) Boyfri(end) Br(forever)o

   that bowlof green chili burned a hole in my as

   f people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?

   I think Oprah should marry Deepak Choprah and take his last name.

   I can party much longer than my cell phone battery.

   Wishing the amazing Olympic athletes from around the world the best of luck in Sochi (finding drinking water and toilets).

   A group of teens is called a whatever

   So, I take it mushrooms are acceptably the norm in Russia... Well played Olympics

   Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.

   Personally, I think it's bull that Russia didn't host the Winter Olympics in Chernobyl

   I hit "<BACK" one too many times on the Red Box machine. Now it wants to know if I want my selections on VHS or BETAMAX.

   I'm not funny, but I'm so stupid

   If a woman ever calls you a "goofball", don't take it the wrong way. What they are actually saying to you is, "You are SO getting laid."

   If nothing else, at least his persistence is funny.

   “I want to see my lawyer” - grilled chicken

   Went to the club. They played The Twist. I twisted. They played Jump. I jumped. They played Come On Eileen. I got arrested.

   Funny how the russians are so anti gay, yet they got a metal in mens figure skating

   I went out clubbing last night. I got 5 baby seals. A new personal record.