Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I bet I could win a gold medal for 'least amount of Olympics watched.' But I'll never know if I do.

   Sorry I broke into your house, dressed your cat like Angela Lansbury, and filmed my "Meowder She Wrote" pilot.

   Any girls in a relationship; please write something.

   Men use love to get sex, Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.

   Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?

   The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the women

   You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.

   Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...

   McDonalds sponsoring the Olympics is like Jack Daniels sponsoring the prom.

   What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.

   Waffles are just Pancakes with abs.

   This is stupid. It's been 3 days with this. I'm going elsewhere.

   Mr. I'm so not funny, you're as funny as a pile of rhino crap...hahahahaha stupid

   Went to the grocery store with my sister and she got kicked out because she was complaining that all the bananas were bent...

   Even if they don't win any medals, at least Team USA can be guaranteed victory in future ugly sweater contests.

   This hahaha guy just ignore him and dont rate his post he will be b gone. Trust me

   Yesterday I went to see a shrink about my Facebook addiction, everything was going smoothly and I was on the road to recovery until he asked me, What's on your mind? Damn it

   Very disappointed that Nikolai Volkov wasn't selected to light the Olympic flame

   Before telling your woman a PMS joke, you should assure she does not currently have PMS.

   We can't help but to start liking the girls that become our good friends. Too hard to find girls that just like to have fun these days.