Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Bruce Springsteen is my favorite Beatle

   Shirley Temple, a wonderful example that making sex tapes, twerking, and going to re-hab are NOT necessary to make it in Hollywood. Classy is ALWAYS in style!!!

   aaand my friends don't think I'm funny anymore.

   Valentine's Day...... "My wallet ain't got time for dat!"

   If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment

   Rip: Shirley Temple

   after this status is written there will be 116 characters left, just sitting there not being used. Be a shame to waste them. Who wants em?

   The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.

   We all end up as stories to be told long after we are gone. Some boring, some tragic, some exciting.

   They're called "The Wonder Years" because you wonder where they went.

   Seeking a naughty Valentine, private message me for details lol...

   You need to be slaves first before you can get your own History month.

   So if I wasn't mesmerized enough by the leggings you were wearing that you should not have been, you top it off with icing lined lips from who knows what you ate. Well played fellow traveler. Crazy the things you see when you stop for gas and lunch.

   LOOKING to hire someone full-time to take pictures of my food. Private message me if interested.

   A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.

   I can't wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high on Ebay.

   My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.

   As is the below me

   TV a silent weapon. It's the downfall ofsociety as we know it.

   I don't think my Neighbor's wife watches porn, I have been cleaning her pool for 3 hours now and she still hasn't invited me inside :/